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All parents feel frustrated at some point when confronted with disciplining their child, but parents of ADD-ADHD kids truly know the meaning of frustration. They know that the daily ups and downs of parenting a special need child can be taxing. The emotions that surround disciplining our children can wreak havoc on even the most stable family. Coping with that frustration in a positive way is hard sometimes, but this is what all parents strive to do.
How can I cope with the stress of disciplining my special needs child?
Although there is no easy answer to this question, being selective about how and when to intervene with your child's education and behavior is crucial. Timing is everything, so we must pick our fights wisely. By this, I mean that we must choose which conflicts need to be addressed and be smart about when to approach the subject with our child.
Is it as important for your child's room to be clean as it is for your child's homework to be done? Is it as important to teach your child about the consequences of missing church as it is to teach them about drugs and sex? These are all very personal choices- ones that parents needs to decide on their own.
Should we ignore his or her wild clothing that we may find unusual? Perhaps we should, and instead, foster a good relationship with our child. Isn't it much more important for us to help our child make better decisions rather than make the decisions for them? I think so.
Often we forget that our children are individuals. They are not smaller versions of us. No, they are unique and must learn to make their own decisions. We must help to guide them, but we must be careful not to make all their decisions for them. There is a delicate balance that parents must be careful not to disturb.
Is consistency important when disciplining our children?
As with anything else, common sense and a level head will help any parent to lessen the frustration of discipline. Consistency is also very important for maintaining your sanity, while reinforcing the household rules and expectations to your child. If you are not clear on the rules for punishment or consequences, the inappropriate behavior will just continue. This is why, as parents, we must set limits, and always, always follow them.
Yes, this can be hard sometimes. Perhaps you were planning on some quiet time while Sally spent the night at a friend's house, but if your rule is to ground her for missing homework assignments. Remember that you must stay the course. You will reinforce that not following the rules is rewarded when it benefits mom and dad. If not, she will just do it again, in hopes that you will conveniently forgive and forget, in order to appease your own interests. When a special needs child, or any child knows that mom and dad will always punish for certain behaviors, he or she will learn the limits much faster.
A child must be aware of the parent's wishes and expectations. As parents, we can't punish or reward indiscriminately. Rules for punishment and rewards can not change. We must make our children aware of what will and will not be tolerated- you must be specific. Children need structure, so rewards and punishments must be consistent. You can't enforce the rules some of the time. No, it must be all of the time.
Homework is one of the most important activities that need very definite consequences and punishments. For example, if my daughter misses a homework assignment, she loses one of the following items: telephone usage, television privileges, CD player, computer privileges, and/or planned activities like parties, movies, and sleepovers.
There also must be a set routine for homework time. This is crucial for the ADD or ADHD child. Routine and structure are very important for special needs kids; especially where school is concerned. Having a reward schedule for good grades is another good idea. $5 per A and $4 per B, or any other denomination that the parent feels is appropriate, will encourage a child to work harder in school. This is positive reinforcement.
What is positive reinforcement?
Positive reinforcement refers to some type of reward for a good behavior. Setting up a point system is one popular method of positive reinforcement that some parents use. Here is an example: If walking the dog is two points, cleaning the bedroom is five points, doing the dishes is four points, and each point is worth a nickel, your child would have earned 50 cents for their behavior on this particular day. Many parents find that this works, and other parents claim that it doesn't work. Each child and parent is different, so use what works for you.
What is negative reinforcement?
An example of negative reinforcement is when schools demand that children get passing grades if they want to participate in sports. If they do not get good enough grades (negative) then they can't play (reinforcement). The speed limits that states set on highways is an example of negative reinforcement.
Negative reinforcement is when a negative scenario discourages an unwanted behavior. Parents can also use this to help guide their children. If your child must meet curfew to continue being allowed to date, this is negative reinforcement. If your child must have less than three missing homework assignments per grading period to continue her dancing lessons, this is also negative reinforcement.
What is punishment?
I think that we all are familiar with punishment. Any time you take something away as a result of something deemed inappropriate this is punishment. Punishment is a negative response to a behavior. Although severe punishment works better than almost anything does, we parents must be very careful that our punishment is not that severe. Punishment and discipline must be firm yes, but not terribly severe to be effective.
By using these different kinds of discipline, we can help our children to become well-behaved and well-mannered individuals. We can instill a healthy self-esteem level without allowing our children to walk all over us. Good luck with all of your parenting endeavors.
Source:
The Essentials of Psychology 7th edition by Dennis Coons
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